Sunday, July 31, 2011

I just realized something...

A few years ago, I went through my first collegiate breakdown. Not really a breakdown. Let's be honest here. We live in the year 2011. Very few people are given the chance to see me cry. I typically save my drama for the home as I think many people do. We're so guarded and we carry so much on our beautiful lady shoulders. We're afraid to ask for help. Afraid to take chances. Afraid to let go of whatever we have so we can't move on. At least all of these things ring true for me.

Let me go back.

My first collegiate breakdown. Have you ever been inside your own head until you realize you haven't spoke for hours? I was getting kicked out of the sorority I had been a member of for 3 years. And my best friend was the one spearheading the whole thing. The whole time this was happening I couldn't let go of our friendship. Not until the very end. Two days after my 21st birthday I was kicked out. When she told me that my membership was terminated...that pageant girl cried... and I told her it was okay. Even after she stood up in front of my sorority and tried to convince them to to vote for my termination. Even now, sometimes I think of calling her to see how she is. See if she's okay. I have to stop myself and remind myself that it's not good. Never trust a pageant girl! Even before I was kicked out our friendship had died. I remember car rides of solid silence. Not a word. Not in an angry way. Just in an "I don't know who you are anymore" kind of way. All very dramatic right. Real dramatic. WICKED dramatic right?!?! Just call me El.

Anyways my sorority sisters/friends had my back and voted to NOT KICK ME OUT! Hooray! But wait, didn't I get kicked out? Indeed! Old sorority ladies got together somewhere in the U.S. and looked at "my file". They decided termination was best the way to go. Apparently, shenanigans on other sororities and the university student body president, and showing up drunk to a dance are not acceptable. I always wanted to be kicked out of somewhere, but for some reason I always imagined it being a WalMart.

So now you know why I was at the therapist freaking out. I lost every friend I knew, including my best friend. After all this he told me I needed to "find a support system". Yeah. Okay. Basically, I ended up hiding out in my house for a year afraid to even attempt to make a new friend. I knew damn near everyone in the Greek system. When you know that many people it seems like you know everyone and I was kicked off Greek island.

I started the blog as a way of coming out. I started my twitter as a way to voice my every thought without a care in the world. I share with all of you what I was afraid to share with everyone I personally knew. I wanted to enjoy everything without the opinions I didn't need. I wanted to make this as positive an experience as it could be.

As it turns out, something else happened when I did those things! I found a new island. I found a big gay lesbian support system island. I found a beautiful island where we can get together, because we are together, without being together? Sounds about right.

My point is this, I find that no matter how alone I think I am in something, every time I share something with you gang, you have a similar experience/feeling/point of view. It's comforting to know you're not alone in something, isn't it? It's comforting to know that someone else has had a similar experience and made it through.

You guys are MY support group.

I can tell you anything! You can tell me anything! I love hearing from you guys. Every time I hear from you, I get to know you a little more. Every time I hear from one of you guys it makes me makes me want to DO something amazing! Instant motivation. Seriously.

Big Gay Lesbian Support System on Motivation Island!

I was lost, but now I'm on the island. I'm moving forward. You guys helped me see that I don't need to find a path. I need to make a path for myself. I need to forget about what everyone else is doing or what has happened in the past. I need to keep on going and be positive because I'm not alone! You're coming with me, right gang? You'll get to read about my adventure on my new path! Otherwise, I'm just typing into nothingness and that's depressing and I would never do something like that.

I know you guys are reading this. I want to hear from you. I want to know something about you. It was you guys that motivated me to do this whole shirt thing to begin with and I want to thank you! Sincerely. I wish I could make a shirt for all of you. A way that I can thank each and every one of you!

Then I got an idea from gangs motivation!

I could put all of my twitter followers on a shirt! I could! I'm gonna do that! But wait! Maybe (just like how not everyone loves kittens. I know. I know. I didn't believe it either) someone might not want their twitter name on a shirt. I don't know why they wouldn't. Maybe...I dunno...I really can't think of why someone wouldn't want their twitter name on shirt. I mean...there's a bit of a chance it might be kinda gay...cause I'm gay...and I make LGBT friendly shirts. I'm not saying it's gonna be gay. It might. Probably. A bit. I mean. Most of my followers are LGBT...and it's gonna be made out of their twitter names...so...

You do know this is a lesbian blog. Don't you?

Moving on. You should let me thank you by allowing me to use your twitter name in my next T shirt design!

YOU DO WANT TO BE ON MY NEXT AWESOME SHIRT?
That's a great choice! Your name is gonna be on a shirt my friend! Jump on over to twitter and let me know that you wanna be on my awesome shirt! Also, if you want to tell me something about yourself you should! Anything you want to say, anytime, I'll hear it! PLUS, I'll probably give my *cleverest shout back.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ON AN AWESOME SHIRT?

WHY?

OK!
You should give me a shout anyway. I love to meet new people! Especially ones that like me.

I'll keep you posted on the shirt! I'm excited to see how it turns out!
I hope you can dig it!



*not all responses will be clever but all will be pleasant